The Gift of Thanks

Corinne Klassen

"Thank you.” You probably say it 100 times in a day. Does is mean anything? What are you saying? What happens if you don’t say, "Thank you”?

In her new book, The Gift of Thanks, Margaret Viser sets out to examine the roots, persistence and paradoxical meanings of a social ritual. She explores who gives gifts to whom under what obligations and looks at cultures that have no way to say thank you other than to offer an apology. But gratitude is her primary focus.

"Thank you” is a polite thing to say – it is a sign of good etiquette. Grandma gives your toddler a cookie and you prompt, "What do you say?” You send a wedding gift and the bridal couple fails to acknowledge it. Not that you want something in return; but you certainly would like a thank you note.

But on a moral level, thank you – gratitude – represents something much more complex. Gratitude involves feeling and thought. It flows from the choice to receive a gift, to make an emotional connection to the giver, to remember and give back. It is a narrative linking past gifts received with the future and is woven into our life stories.

A friend, now separated by time and distance, gave me a chrome Cross pen for my 21st birthday. I accepted it with gratitude. That pen was, and still is, special because it showed that she loved me - and understood my weakness for good pens. It’s still in my purse 35 years later and if I ever lend it out I keep a watchful eye on it until it is back into its spot. Silly! I could go and buy another pen, but it wouldn’t be the same. There are many memories and feelings tied to that thin chrome shaft – gratitude.

Giving thanks is deeply rooted in religious faith. When we acknowledge God as the bestower of all life’s gifts the natural response is gratitude and a desire to imitate. Because God is always the first giver we are free to give to others without expecting anything in return.

Thanksgiving Day is coming – let’s be grateful.

Reflections on The Gift of Thanks by Margaret Viser (published by HarperCollins, 2008) and an interview with Margaret Viser on CBC Radio, Tapestry, hosted by Mary Hynes, July 26, 2009.