The Pain of No Will
Karen* is adamant that every adult needs to prepare Power of Attorney and will documents, especially if they love their family. Having watched her mother struggle with tough decisions after her uncle’s sudden stroke and eventual death, she and her husband Dale* have resolved that they will never place their family members in a similar situation.
Karen’s uncle was a very quiet and private man who never married and had no children. Despite being 89, he lived independently in his own home. After having a serious stroke, he was left in a hospital bed unconscious and on a ventilator. When his sisters were summoned, Karen accompanied her mother. Karen’s uncle had never prepared power of attorney documents. Upon seeing Karen, the only family member in sight who was under 80, the hospital appointed her spokesperson and decision-maker. Karen understood that her mother and her aunts probably shouldn’t be burdened with this responsibility since none of them were in the best of health, but she also knew that her uncle would not have wanted her making medical decisions. Karen’s next few days were filled with constant rounds of phone calls – getting information from the hospital staff, relaying it to her mother and aunts, gathering opinions and reporting decisions back to the hospital. They finally decided that the ventilator should be removed and her uncle allowed to pass away in peace, but Karen still wonders if that was what her uncle would have wanted.
Following her uncle’s death, new problems arose. In addition to having no written Powers of Attorney, Karen’s uncle had not written a Will, so her mother and her aunts had to attend court and petition to be appointed estate trustees. Karen helped as best she could but often felt sad and frustrated that her mother and her aunts were burdened with locating her uncle’s assets, sorting through his things and deciding what to do with everything. Her uncle hadn’t been very organized and would have been furious to know that nieces and nephews had to poke around his house to find papers. It took more than two, very long years to settle the estate. Since there was no Will, and no spouse or children, the uncle’s estate was divided equally among his siblings. Two had predeceased him, so their share went to their children. Since her uncle had been estranged from some of his nephews, Karen wonders if her uncle would have included them in a Will.
Karen is still angry that her mother and her aunts had to go through this ordeal, all because her uncle couldn’t be bothered to look after essential paperwork. “He probably thought it would be easy for his siblings to sort out his estate when he died but it took a huge toll on Mom. There were disagreements right from the moment he had his stroke, all because he didn’t write anything down, he didn’t tell anyone what he wanted and he didn’t prepare any legal documents. Everyone in the family had an opinion about how things should be done and my mother and elderly aunts had to listen to everyone and try to keep the peace.”
Karen and Dale called an MFC consultant to help them consider their options for their Powers of Attorney documents and Wills. Following the meeting, they received a memo listing their decisions. Their lawyer used the memo as a starting point to prepare Wills and Powers of Attorney documents for Karen and Dale. They want to avoid leaving hard feelings and frustration as their legacy to the family they love.
*The names have been changed to protect the privacy of the family. MFC wishes to thank “Karen and Dale” for their willingness to share their story for the benefit of others.